arriving in australia, time for regeneration and reinvention

I don't profess to know too much right now. I'm a little mind numb. All I know is I've been working steadily towards a date to get on a plane, and then got on the plane and arrived in Sydney, without expectations, plans or any consciousness of doing. I'm here. On top of my mountain. For now, that's all that matters. I'm normally a very head strong go-getter with many projects and plates spinning, lots of emails flowing, artists and interests surrounding me, plans, strategies, empires, creations, constant flow of in and out. Right now, I sit and contemplate nothing except a little bit of self-expression here on the blog.

I am knee deep in fog about who I am. Neale Donald Walshe (author of "Conversations with God") will probably send his newsletter to me that i get once a week, very soon. It will be timely. He poses the question constantly of Who We Are and knows how to deconstruct every piece of that so we can start anew. I am feeling like I need to start anew. I feel like I've lost part of my way and that's not because I haven't lost myself, it's because the "way" has changed.

We are living in times of enormous change, of revolution, and of growth. My personal growth used to be somewhat dependent on my circumstances, my creative path, the opportunities that came to me, doors that opened, or closed. But now my personal growth has become less dependent on the obvious, and more about my inner sanctum. I don't feel beholdent to outward distractions, modes or challenges right now. That all tires me.

For instance, when I normally planned a trip to Australia, I'd plan a tour, a media campaign, lots of gigs, lots of doing, lots of phone calls, lots... I was hungry for the exposure, breaking a new record, meeting new people, getting out there, getting noticed. I have always wanted to "make it" in Australia, my home land. Wouldn't you want to be accepted in your home? Everyone would. We travel far and wide and seek the holy grail, only to want to return it home and put it on the mantle piece right? Don't we want our old peers and family to pat us on the back and say "ya done good, luv". Or do we?

I am not in to self-flagulation. I can say that I've earned a modicum of "success" (whatever that is) down-under with some good press, radio play, even MTV video play. Cool gigs, a nice reputation for helping other artists. I'm in good stead here. But I also know that my music is not the Australia mainstream variety. I don't get JJJ radio play and the mainstream stations find it hard to find the single off my records. Even my new record "extraOrdinary life" while receiving lovely feedback on it's concept, musicality, songwriting, performance yaddayaddayadda, doesn't seem to fit into the Aussie mold of "let's try and break it within the first week". Doesn't have that about it.

And so I'm left with... well what now? Do I go into the studio and record pop hits just to satisfy the market here? I am kind of perplexed as to what "they" want. Who's "they" anyway? Why do I feel like I have something to prove here? I've established myself enough everywhere else to not have to impress. I shouldn't have to impress anyone.

ANY MORE.

And that's what I'm arriving at, in my contemplation. I've spent 9 years. Count them. 9 years pursuing the American market only to now realise that I have nothing to prove anymore. What for? The "way" that tantalized me in the first place, is no longer the same. When I first started my journey, I had Mariah Carey, Whitney Houston, Janet Jackson, George Michael, Seal, Hot House Flowers, Elton John, even Alanis Morrissette... to guide me in making albums with concepts, strong songwriting and artist stories. Now I have digital downloads, the itunes frenzy, one hit singles, corporate mega-bucks, Clearchannel monopolies, merging Majors and a jaded mindset to contend with.. as i still try and make what I feel are great concept albums.

My music industry is not the industry I signed up for in the beginning. But then I also was in love with a glamorized version of it: I dreamed I could be on Top 5 radio, a non 1 song, MTV video play (yep that's me visualizing myself dancing in the videos and doing the whole thang), world tours with a full on stage and light show.. and more... let alone the money to produce great records, live in comfort blah blah blah. What is THAT? That is an illusion. That is not reality. Even back then in my dream land, what was really going on was payola, corruption and conflict. It reminds me of "Syriana". If you haven't seen that movie you should. It stars George Clooney and is about the oil deals in Iran in the eightees and nineties, and implicates the CIA and the U.S Government in all these behind the scene deals versus freedom of the people and liberation of the Iran government, all over satisfying the American demand for oil. This stuff might be in movies and in books, but it's also life, and we live it also in the music business. Oil, music, soap, whatever you are selling... it's all the same.

And I don't want any part of it.

I don't want any part of greed, corruption, corporations screwing the little people. I don't want creativity stifled by beaurocracy, stakeholders, industry. I just want to express myself in an artistic way, to create peaceful change, thought and process and live a peaceful personal life that is filled with laughter, joy, partnership, family, trust and, yes, art. I am a humanitarian. I'm not going to go saving rainforests by chaining myself to the trunks of trees. I'm not going to paint "No War" on the Sydney Opera House, although I commend Dave for doing that. I'm not going to encourage sending men and women in to foreign lands to fight the corporate wars. I'm not going to do that. I'm going to write songs. And I'm going to create concept albums. And I'm going to play meaningful parts in Film. And I'm going to write books that encourage healing, self-empowerment, education and community. I'm going to perform and entertain and take people's minds to a place of beauty, self-healing and joy.

But I cannot do all that if I get constant backlash and blocks. There are many road blocks on our journey of life, that's for sure, but sometimes you just know that some of them are SIGNS to lead us to a better "way". As Walshe would put it, it's time for me to "use my past to empower my future" to continue to be and become even more authentic and creative in Who I AM. Authenticity is the key here. So much of the music business is inauthentic. This creates a connundrum. How can we be true to our creativity and our purpose when we are surrounded by so many untruths, selfish, materialistic parasites and monopolies over the market?

I went to Los Angeles to create a career, to explore my talents, to be inspired by greatness in order to be great. I have an A + type personality. I seek the highest form of expression and believe we must always do our very best as human beings. It's my own path to so-called enlightenment. But I haven't had an easy path. In fact, it is constantly reminded to me by the universe that I am meant for the path least travelled, that warrior spirit to show the way. Well I can keep showing the way for others, but what about the way for me? Shouldn't I get some joy in it? I'm not here to matyr myself in order to make sure everyone else has fun.

None of my accomplishments were handed to me on a silver platter. I had to create them from scratch. There's no luck in this model, just sweat. But through the years I've managed to navigate pretty well, and end up smiling. But I smile today not because of an eighteen year old's grandeur of fame and success. But because I have understood that my "way' is no longer the way I originally sought. This "way" is far different, and not readily tangible or explained.

I spent the majority of this year developing things I thought I was going to cut down in so I could spend more time on me: Songsalive! (the non-profit organization supporting and promoting songwriters www.songsalive.org) with new chapters, presence at music conferences and programs and an impactful, educational website; speaking at music conferences to encourage and provide tips for other artists to get out there; producing music for other artists; putting on shows showcasing other artists; created several CD compilations of artists, and offering services, advice and counsel to more artists than ever before... But I do all that because the universe calls me to be this person, this humanitarian, as this is my path.

Amazingly, I still recorded my album, released it, toured 2 continents, landed a 4 page spread in Newsweek Magazine and kept my rank up as one of the most discussed independent music artist there is out there in the world today.

I am not complaining. I know I can do all of this. It's quite impressive to some. To me, this is all part of living life, the art of doing, the doing of art.

But I will not rest on my laurels. Because these laurels are all an illusion, to the real stuff... the Who I Really Am part of it all. It's in this part that I explore, deconstruct, reinvent. NOW. The time is Now. For all the stuff above is just stuff I do, have done, and can easily do again.

Here's my connundrum: I skirt around the borders of the music industry, below the radar, highly involved in what I constantly refer to as the new music revolution, receiving a modicum of success for sure, but I can't sit here and rattle off soundscan Cd sales to you, and record heights of radio play. I can't do that. I don't live in that tangible realm, although some feel that I still need to prove that with numbers. It's a numbers game, the music business, and I cannot reduce myself to numbers alone.

I live in the intangible world of lateral creativity, thinking outside the box and dabbling with human spirits. How can you quantify success based on how many souls you touch?

I am sitting here on top of my mountain in the Aussie bush lacking incentive to partake in anything associated to the music business. I have a beautiful album in my hands (extraOrdinary life) that is an opus, a gift, a wonderful year's worth of producing and a lifetime of stories, that deserves to be out in the world, playing in your radio and itunes headphones, on your CD racks at home.. and I can't even be bothered to contemplate what it means to market this album right now. I am already feeling resistance with various music reps here in Australia. It costs money for a media campaign, and worst still if they tell you radio won't play it even before you even try. I can't even get my agency excited about touring, because I'm not excited. I KNOW what needs to be done, and it's the KNOWING of what it REALLY means to push a record, ANYWHERE, that turns me off. I've been doing this for 9 years and I'm asking myself, "IS THIS MY "WAY"?

We know where I am. I know where I am. Again, I'm not complaining. I get people emailing me daily on how inspired they are, how they love my music. I sell records. Yes I do. And books, and downloads and and and. I'm a professional artist. I don't have a day job.

BUT WHAT DO I WANT NOW? WHO DO I WANT TO BECOME?

It's here that I vascillate, between the glories, the stories of my past, and now reinvent for my future. We are all in unchartered territories, and the mystery of it all is definitely where IT'S AT. So I leap empty-handed into the void, and wait for my own deliverance.

Come back soon.

Gilli Moon

Seattle WA: "do not block the intersection"

I was driving home last night in sherman oak california and i stopped at the stop sign and began to stare at the sign: "DO NOT BLOCK THE INTERSECTION" it said. I began to think about that. do not block. block. block what? then I saw a car number plate with NWT. What does that mean? Nought? nothing? No thing? Maybe, "know it" maybe "no way through". maybe all of the above.

I think it's time to unblock the road blocks. Being at the intersection of life, we have a road map of past travels, and so many choices to make for our future. The only way to make the right decision as to which way to go, is to let go, be open, and then the answer comes to us. I wrote a poem about frequency to that higher place, while i was in Seattle. It was 5 pages long and i wrote it while connected to my higher spirit watching amazing Songsalive! artists perform on stage... and then i gave my poem to a friend, because he needed it more than me. it was a nice gift to give. GIFTS comes to us and gifts we give. the ebb and flow of life. i read a little of my new york blog post from sept and this part of the poem catches my soul right now:

"the innocence of children reminds me that i must look at life through a child's eyes at all times to survive my own ambition. now what? NOW. Now is WHAT. i breathe in i submerge to dreamland to breathe some more and feel the blue sky beating it's heat reminding me of life and love and california and passion surging, coursing through me . i live an extraordinary life. give me another slice." (more at www.gillimoon.com/poetry)

SO,... I just got back from Seattle. A magical place, with rain and water and orange leaves falling for the winter. Mists rising, polite traffic and a creativity that hums across the city and opens my inner mind. Seattle was a really impactful weekend. The Rockgrl conference (www.rockrgrl.com) was full on and I couldn't get enough of it. I spoke on a songwriting panel with veteran's in the songwriting world, and I felt i was the lone ranger representing the new frontier of WHAT'S NEXT. It was empowering. Sue Ennis (songwriter for Heart), Wendy Waldman ("Save the Best for Last" Vanessa Williams), Harriet Schock (Helen Reddy) and Jenny Yates (writer for Garth Brooks). And then there was me. "How to write a hit song?" was the question of the day. What is a hit really? Is it the greatness of that piece of prose that touches our hearts and fills our minds with dreams and passion? Or is it how corporate conglomerates push and shake the apple tree that they grew and force consumers to like what they pay them to hear???? I say the latter. I say the music world has changed. We can no longer rest on our laurels of times forgot but be warriors, self-empowered all encompassing artists with a vision who can be business savvy and know where the real world is... now. I was alone in thought on this subject as my cohorts rattled off their success stories. Notwithstanding, i was inspired by them and their words and i learned something: songwriting, being a songwriter, hasn't changed over the years. we are all still creative spirits channelling the higher self and wanting reaction, an audience. finding that audience has changed now. that's all. the rest stays the same. inspiring..... thank you wonderful women.

I went to a few workshops at Rockrgrl. One was about podcasting. oh.my.god i'm so inspired to embrace this new technology. i have already developed 3 podcasts. one about my music which is at www.gillimoon.com/download. one for my warrior girl music and females on fire artists at www.warriorgirlmusic.com and one for Songsalive! elite members at www.songsalive.org. to think that each and every one of us can become a radio programmer and people can subscribe to our taste in music is just simply amazing.

One of the most beautiful gifts that i received was a Minarik Guitar. http://www.minarikguitars.com/. I was in the exhibition room and Bill Minarik came over and was enchanted that I was there. He had been a long time fan. He literally handed me an endorsement and asked me to choose an electric guitar. I naturally chose the most beautiful one, a honeyburst Minarik GODDESS that is 1 out of only 25 special edition honeybursts in the world, (4 were left handed) and they never will be made again. Ecstatic. I've always longed to incorporate electric guitar playing into my life and my live show. I think acoustics are too cumbersome for me and i want to experiment with the melodics of an electric that i have come to know and love so well when producing in the studio. so... it's time to embrace this dream!

I had many gifts this past weekend. And the most important gift was what was waiting for me when I got back to l.a. but i won't go into that yet because it's a secret... ;) for now, i leave you with this final mantra of the day: be open. be open. be open to the divine forces, for when you are, many gifts come to you. xxx gilli

back in los angeles and work to be done...

Back from an east coast tour, and getting ready to head up north for the Rockrgrl Seattle conference, I'm happily ensconced in Los Angeles developing these wonderful living room sessions @ The Mint, ., PLUS producing 3 more tracks with Holly Light for her upcoming album, and preparing for Dina Gathe's album on 2nd Dec. Both artists are extraordinary Females On Fire artists and I have had such a pleasure working with them. Check them out at . Welcome all the new fans from ITALY who joined my email list after the story was printed in La Republicca. Wow that was a cool day of receiving sudden enews sign ups! for the story in Italian. So, where to begin. Well coming off the road is kind of draining. One gets rather fragile being back in one's nest egg, because we tend to live on adrenalin from one city to the next. To be frank, when I got back to l.a, after 5 weeks on the road, i was sick as a dog, laid up in bed for at least 3 days and then another 7 to get over a cold and cough. weird. mind you, the weather has changed here in sunny california, to blistery, windy, and rainy. weird again! i've been working on this whole "freedom" thing and really enjoying wyne dyer's book "the sacred self". it's one of his earlier books where he's starting to delve into the idea of "removing the ego" and "becoming the observer". a lot about quantum physics, with a lot of spirituality and creativity mixed in. i noticed in my performance at the Mint last week that i had a total out of body experience, similar to what i'm reading, where i felt like i was observing myself from above, at a distance. the performance was way more energized, and completely left of center/quirky. don't know if that's a good thing, but i felt uplifted and the set became a performance happening in itself. we are at the Mint again Sunday night. i'm really enjoying this club, with the new decor, management, and awesome cuisine. the whole "living room" vibe works. very nice. well, more later...

from NY to Boston and over it: a life of freedom

"In my world, nothing ever goes wrong". This is a little ditty i learnt from a Wayne Dyer book, specifically "Your Sacred Self - Making the Decision to be Free". It's a wonderful read, and a timely one at that.

I have often wondered why I become lethargic. People comment to me often by saying that I have incredible energy, that I have the ability to spin so many plates, and do so many things. But I will acknowledge that all of that comes at a price. I get tired. I can get sick too. I have spent the first 3 days of returning home to Los Angeles, to home, in bed, completely sick with the flu. I have not seen sunlight since Boston, when I got on a plane to come home after 5 weeks on the road. I look within to discover what that is... getting a sore throat, sniffles, a head that won't let up with lots of banging. It's like my body is asking me to stop, slow down, and meditate. To go inward, find the silence and enjoy nothingness. Deconstruction.

Then, my first day out of the womb, I was resurrecting, re-constructing, celebrating and a week on I can now find clarity, reflecting over the last few weeks. It's time to write. It's time to write a lot. I'm going to write songs (I am half way finished a good one called "Freedom" which is in fact about breaking up with a lover... funny how that is ;). I'm going to write a second book about touring, about discovering the journey; I'm going to write articles. And writing online on this blog that has served me well for years... I'm going to write a film script. I'm going to write my diary!

Freedom is my new word in my consciousness. I wrote a new Food For Thought today at www.warriorgirlmusic.com/motivation. I write, "Being the observer doesn't mean we no longer care about the process. No, what it means is that we don't let our mind, our thoughts, our emotions or our worries get in the way."

freedom....

so back in my little room with a view, i look back on the tour and reflect. It was a magical time, nearly 5 weeks on the road, and so many wonderful and new people in my life. Hundreds of artists, songwriters, dreamers, sharing with me their visions and goals in workshops, at conferences, at gigs, on the street, on the phone, via email. I am so blessed to be part of the infrastructure that is the revolution.

Highlights? New York's Cutting Room with Coole High and Tah Phrum Dah Bush was an amazing happening, as a creative being. It wasn't hugely populated but I felt we were performing to a thousand people. They kicked off the night with some rapping about the realness of it all, where it's at as artists, doing it our way, The way. Then they lent their beatbox personalities to my first song on piano, Naked. It really felt naked, stripped to the essence of the beat, the vibe, the sensuality. I want to do more of these cross over shows, stretching the boundaries of style, thought, human consciousness. I'm planning on doing just that with J Walker here in L.A where he did some spoken word last night and brought quantum illumination to my mind and heart in our "living room sessions" at the Mint. This place is perfect for the environment we are creating, for all artists to gather and participate in conscious thought and flow. Plus the food is great!

Back to NY. It was a weird moment for me to be back in NY the second time within the month, and not really want to be "in" it so to speak. So I stayed out at Carol's place in NJ, sat in the spa and thought about the meaning of singlehood, and my private journey, and wondered why I loved touring so much. Loved may not be the operative word. I got a little road weary. Never too late to change direction, I say. But hey wait, Boston was coming.

Toni and I took the Fun Wah bus from China town and headed up to my favorite city of the month, Boston MA. Filled with students, artists, attorneys, people with always two dogs, cafe lattes and a nice fashion style. We stayed with Chris again, like I did last year, and enjoyed playing his piano, playing with His two dogs, and eating his Lindt chocolate balls he couldn't hide from me in the fridge. I talked at Berklee School of Music on the Tuesday and I just couldn't believe, once again (pinch me please) how inspired I was to share stories with the students and just talk at this hugely famous music school. Peter Spellman is a spirit man and apart from being a top notch music business author, he runs the Creative Development Center there, where he hosted my workshop. I have to thank Peter for the Newsweek story too. By the way, La Repubblica, Italy's top newspaper (like the NY Times I guess) has just republished their version of the Newsweek interview (in Italian of course) and oh my god in two days I've had almost a hundred new sign ups on my mailing list from Italian fans. That's just so impressive. There really is no end to the fabulousness of the Internet. My friend Jennifer, who I am currently staying with in Pismo Beach and about to go surfing with  her (my favorite) plus talk on her 101.3 Coast radio show on Friday (that's just so I can justify the trip ;), thinks its so extraordinary to be known worldwide and yet be completely under the radar. The dichotomy of fame,... no fame.

Boston to me was like living a Sydney life in the U.S. I didn't get to see beaches per se, but i saw the harbour and felt the culture and I really dug it. It was my third time there and this time I really got to know it and literally walked 5 miles a day going from A to B. We stayed in South End so it was a great walk through the backstreets of brownstones, up to Boylston Street where Berklee is, then down the fashionable Newbury Street for coffee and fashion, into town across the Commons and into the banking world, then back across to South End. I made circles every day and felt fit. We represented Songsalive! at Nemo Boston, which is a fine music conference, and I spoke on the women in music panel with Madalyn Sklar (Go Girls Music) and Ariel from Ariel Publicity and more. THAT was a great discussion. Women? Men? let's just be Artists! Leave the gender out of it!

By Oct 1, I had realized that I had been away since Sept 1 and it was time to go home. I had dispersed the extraOrdinary life, living an ordinary life in a non-ordinary way. I sold books, I sold a piece of my soul but I got a lot of soul food in return. The troubadour is simply that, a wandering creative soul. I expect nothing more, and certainly nothing less, than the opportunity to create and share my creativity.

tonight I am at peace. I'm about to go surfing. Now that's what I call creativity!

italy: la repubblica

go figure!! todays paper in italy! apin off from the newsweek article. some journalist has cottoned onto my interview and decided to make a new story for the repubblica, which is like the new york times!